Is it Fall yet?

I have sat down to write this a million times, to talk about where I have been, to talk about what has been going on, the things I am working on. I would write and write, but the truth is, I didn’t want to share what was going on in my life. It is heavy enough to deal with alone, much less without the input and “advice” of others. I had to wallow in it, I had to feel it, and then I had to let that shit go.

My feelings where hurt. Immensely. So bad so that I began to question all of the friendships around me and then I isolated myself. It took me a while, but I began to heal. I cried a lot. I was angry. At the end of the day though, I had to interact with many of these people on a professional level and I was faced with a choice. Would I let the ugliness in other people

change me, change my actions, change my soul, or would I forgive and move on?

This past year has taught me the value of true friendship. As my daughter was in and out of the hospital, it was apparent, when my mom was in the hospital, it was apparent. It has taught me the difference between the words friend, acquaintance, old classmate, someone I know of, and colleague.

This year I have met people who changed my life in all of the best ways. I have chosen myself and I have learned that the opinions of others cost you more than they are worth. I have realized that they play no active part in my life unless they are effecting my paycheck. Then I had to realize that in all reality, the actions of those people have effected my paycheck. Their ugliness, their need to tarnish my reputation to protect their own, has led to a lot of misinformation being spread about me. To tell you the truth, at first I wanted to defend myself, its not true, everyone should know its not true… right?

Then it hit me one day, I don’t care what you have heard about me… go hear it again.

I have been working on an educational youtube series, I have been working on my book, and I have shifted my attention in marketing to states who have more mature markets. It has been everything. I have helped people succeed and in turn they have turned around and done the exact opposite. It’s okay though and it finally doesn’t hurt….

So I disappeared and I worked, I worked on my passions, I worked on the quality of time spent with my kids, I worked on my craft, and I worked on myself. I have never been more excited for my future, I have never been prouder of myself, and I have never been filled with such peace.

I had to stop preaching about being strong and bold, I didn’t feel strong and bold. I felt like a bad mom. I felt like a broken woman. I felt like disappearing, so I did.  It helped me acknowledge the part that I played in all of the bullshit and in turn that made me realize that I too was part of the problem. When you trust too quickly and overshare, you cannot blame the rest of the world for all of your problems. It doesn’t matter if your intentions are pure or not, it is our responsibility to realize our own power in situations.

My daughter was diagnosed with something called skeeter syndrome, it is something that is kind of hard to deal with. This is something that we will be combatting for who knows how long, there is no cure. This means that she is incredibly allergic to bug venom and saliva of any kind. It has taken a while, but we are slowly but surely figuring out how to deal with it. She is still in and out of specialist appointments and it will be a journey, but I am so grateful that we are beginning to find answers. I am also so incredibly grateful for the various teams working together to ensure we not only get to the bottom of all of this; but also to ensure that we have a plan in place for when we do have to react.

I have been working with an incredible team of people on an educational series. For now that is all I will say, but we are currently getting ready to start advertising for collabs and interviews! If you are interested in more information, please message me!

In the last couple weeks two people have lost their lives, one was intentional, one was not. As I sat at their joint celebration of life last night, I was overcome with the urge to write. The urge to finish a blog and post it. So this is what we ended up with :) I will begin a new series on why marketing is important in the next month, I cannot wait to start educating again and sharing more meaningful content.

All love and good energy.

C