Okay, serious question.
Why is it that we are not taught self love, mental health care, and meditation in schools? I mean, there is a problem in the world. A serious problem.
I don’t know what anyone else’s experience with school was growing up, but my experience was not a good one. My experience was one that left me with crippling anxiety and a hefty amount of therapy bills. I feel as if people have been trying to shove me in their box, all of us, into their box of what a life is “supposed” to look like. Now as an adult, I grasp for the answers to these questions.
What is a life “SUPPOSED” to look like?
Two years ago, as I laid in a hospital bed, blitzed out of my mind on narcotics, preparing to go into an emergency exploratory surgery; I sat there terrified that I would never see my children again. That my children would never truly know who their mother was, because once again, I had no sense of self identity. Before children and up until this life changing shift, I wasn’t a person that I was proud of. I wasn’t a bad person. Instead I was a people pleaser, I didn’t have boundaries, I wanted so badly to be accepted into the groups of people that I thought I wanted to be like. I tried desperately to become a person that I was never meant to be. It hit me like a train, an avalanche, shit, even a ton of bricks.
Why don’t I love myself? Why don’t I prioritize myself? Why don’t I know who I am? Is it suppressed trauma? I wanted to scream. I was overwhelmed and felt like I was treading in the sea of self discovery, desperately trying to keep my head above water. Why don’t people talk about the fact that we lose our identities after we have children? There is something that happens, or that is supposed to happen when you have children; but we always hear about what people gain, not what they lose.
As I attend industry events and meet more people, I realize that for moms, parents, and caregivers; when you have to give up a part of your life for someone else, your identity changes. How do you shift into the new person, the new role that you have been given? How do you prioritize yourself? How do you fill your cup?
If this blog feels relatable then bare with me, over the next few weeks I am going to go in depth about my journey. Maybe, just maybe I can teach you how to love yourself again, maybe I can inspire you to choose yourself. At the end of the day, all I want people to understand is that they are worth it. They deserve so much more than what they are settling for, regardless of what that may be. From lack of self care, destructive decisions, ignoring your mental health, not spending time alone with yourself, and not prioritizing your self discovery journey. YOU ARE NEGLECTING YOURSELF. Choose better, do better, be better.
Okay, that was a little harsh, because TRUST ME, I understand how difficult and never ending this process is. Self Love is NOT an event, it is a lifelong journey. Your relationship with yourself is going to set the standards and be the example that your children reflect in themselves. Our children come to us to be their first examples, they look to us to pave their relationships within themselves, good and bad. At the end of the day, the only reason this is so harsh is because as I was lying in that hospital bed, I thought about the things they would tell my children about me if I died. I wasn’t a happy person, in fact I was a miserable person. I drank to cover up the emptiness and pain inside. The void within myself that I kept trying to fill with external validation. I realized that I was suddenly at a crossroads in my life, my options were to die, to live but stay miserable and damage my children; the obvious choice was to change though.
So how does one begin the process of changing themselves? Well you have to decide that you are worth it, but let's be honest, it is not that easy. So my original reason to change was my girls, I wanted to be the best me I could be for them. Which was a great motivation, but eventually we will find that it is not sustainable for true self love. You cannot do it for anyone else. You have to be selfish, you have to know you're worthy of great and happy things, you have to do it for yourself, to yourself, by yourself.
In the next blog we will talk about the literal steps I took to begin changing my life. We will eventually talk about how I got to where I am today. It is all correlated. While there are always external factors that play into growth and change, one thing you can be sure of is that I will NEVER speak negatively of someone. I will never share the details of the stories that made me, because as much as they are MY stories, one thing I know is that your experiences will not be the same as mine. So it DOES NOT MATTER. I have no idea how long this series of blogs will go on, because my story and my journey are not over. They will never be over.
So to whomever has been along on this journey with me from the very beginning, I am excited for you to see who I am, I am excited for you to see that I know I am worthy because I put the work in. I actively put in the work every single day. I choose to be better every morning. I choose to release my fears, feel my emotions and then release them. I choose to only focus on myself and the things that matter, because I know now, I am focusing on the right things.
I can’t wait to share more product content! May will be filled with some amazing blogs about devices and products!!!! So while there will be a mix on the content and what types of things I talk about, I realized that when I began this, I had very specific goals in mind. At some point I got side tracked, I got too caught up in the moment, so thank you for staying with me as we backtrack a bit and talk more about why I chose plant medicine. Why it is so incredibly important to be educated on what you are consuming. Cannabis is medication, so use it the right way.
Always love and light, life is too short for anything else.
C
コメント