Self Love
I was born in 1992, it was a weird time to be alive, I remember playing outside and I also remember my first computer class. At one point in my life I had a Nokia phone that is probably somewhere, still completely intact floating around my parents basement. I am the oldest of five kids with a non existent relationship with a half sibling and I was always the odd one out. I grew up in a time where the most important thing you had was your appearance and your checkbook. This wasn’t always the case and during the recession my family was greatly impacted, this changed the trajectory of my life in a good way. That all being said, I was the chubby little emo kid who had emotional trauma that she hid from the world, self love and confidence has never come naturally to me.
My self love journey truly began after my second surgery, its when I found cannabis again, its when I began to choose myself. I began meditating, I began facing my demons, and though there have been many ups and downs, I am closer today than I have ever been to loving myself for not only what I am, but for what I am not. This fight is a never ending one, but it is the most worthwhile battle you will ever fight.
When I began meeting people in the industry, I had no idea what the universe was going to bring to me. This is where Kim and Jess come in, you already know the two, your favorite Feel State Mama’s, the crazy pair themselves. While planning their first event, they reached out and asked me to talk about Parents Advocating for Cannabis Education. Currently we are working on building out what that looks like and what it means. Instead I just showed up with coffee, water bottles, and a kick ass pep talk. This began something beautiful, a bond with two women, two beautifiul humans who were actively working towards an even more beautiful dream. A dream of community and togetherness, a place free of judgement and drama.
Four Events ago, you could not have told me that this was going to happen, that these women would change my life, but they have. While I have very little involvement in the process behind the scenes, I help where I am able. The real praise has got to go to those two women though, they are the brains, the resilience, the visionaries behind the CannaMoms of STL. Now that I have gushed all over them and thanked them dearly for involving me in their beautiful community, I need to talk about the last event….
Moms, Yoga, Weed…. What could go wrong….
It began with us getting ready, I showed up coffee in hand, and we busted our asses getting the venue ready for this event. (DO NOT SLEEP ON THIS SPACE! I WILL LINK IT) Mommas began to flood in, choosing their yoga mat rolled up, complete with a rose for them to keep. As they got checked in they were given their gift bags that our amazing sponsors made possible. ( Vibe, Midose, Smokies, Robust and Papers from Wendy Reid. ) As everyone settled in and got into their spots, Kim opened up with a very personal story, from there three more people spoke up. The tears were freely flowing as the smoke of our favorite plant medicine wrapped each mother up in a much needed hug. After the intros everyone had a couple minutes to get settled before we began, I was taking photos so I wasn’t going to be participating this time around.
I was so incredibly moved by the first 10 minutes of the event that I had to step into the kitchen to cry, Jess walked in and gave me the biggest hug as did one of the owners of the venue. (I am also high writing this so please don’t hate me for forgetting names at the moment *insert face palm*) I pulled it together and I walked back in as everyone got settled on their mats and what I watched next was nothing short of magic. Lindsay Moon walked these women through one of the most beautiful guided sessions I had ever seen. I watched women take a moment and focus on truly loving themselves, releasing months, if not years of pent of emotion. It was humbling. The energy in the room was static, the hair on my arms stood on edge, I couldn’t fake this reaction if I tried, there was a noticable shift. I remember the moment it happened and can see it clear as day when pulling it back up into my minds eye.
Lindsay instructed the women to lay on their backs and wrap themselves up in a hug, to physically do something to express love to themselves. To heal the inner child, to release some of the mom guilt we all carry so deeply, and more tears. I walked around watching each woman experince their process alone but somehow together all at the same time. I watched the weight of 22 women release into the air with the help of cannabis, community, and moving their body. I was shook.
I meditate. I believe in energy and karma. I trust the universe and try my best to let go and move forward every single day. Never in my life though have I seen something so beautifully moving and emotionally draining all at the same time. As an empath, its in my nature to absorb all of that energy. As the event came to an end moms hugged, medicated, cried, and bonded over what we all came for. Our similarities. We also came together and accepted our differences and bonded over those as well. Since that day I have communicated with multiple of the women at that event and it is clear that I was not the only person who was deeply effected.
I don’t know what being a dad is like, I don’t know what being single and childess at 30 is like, I do know what being a weed mom is like though. I do know how hard being a mom is, it never gets easier either, just different. We are all just out here doing our best, trying to fill our cups so we can fill our childrens cups. We are all out here healing from past traumas, current traumas, and trying our damnedest to avoid future traumas. I know the judgement that comes with being a mom that consumes plant medicine, I also know how exhausting it is to hide that side of yourself from the people you love out of fear and shame.
I want to take a second to bring this back to Kim and Jess. I have witnessed these two women go through so much in just a few months. They have pulled through time and time again, putting on nothing less than the most amazing of events. I have had moms reach out to me from all across the USA asking us to come and do this where they live, but the reality is that my involvment is nominal compaired to these two women. These ladies are out here fighting an uphill battle to make a difference. They have taken money out of their own accounts to ensure that these events are flawless for the women they are putting them on for. They are in this for the reasons that matter, thats why it is so important to spread the world and help get them more sponsors.
Bug your favorite company, tell them to reach out to the Cannamoms of STL on facebook or the.stlcannamoms on instagram. Come to the events, share the events, support these amazing women who are igniting a new standard for self love and self care cannabis events. Lets help them achieve their wildest dreams, because they truly deserve it. Also a huge shout out to Robust and Feel State for their support for this endevor, they are an incredible dispensary and cultivation with some really amazing people.
Our next event is going to be a puff and paint event in March, so don’t sleep on the updates, the tickets sell out fast!!!!
To find out more information about how to support The CannaMoms of STL email the.stlcannamoms@gmail.com
Thanks so much <3
Thank you girls for the beauty you are bringing to the STL Cannabis Community, you have made such a huge impact already.
Love you guys! Til Next Time!
The STL Stoner Mom
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